Loss the weight without hurt feeling.

This topic can be found at:

11-23-2004, 08:14 AM
Three legs
Loss the weight without hurt feeling.
I have the big problem now!

How can I try to tell or ask my prospect dance partner to loss 10 to 15 Lbs without hurt her feeling?

May be you guy can give me some good ideals?
11-23-2004, 10:47 AM
Good luck with that....
11-23-2004, 11:57 AM
Why do you need to tell her?
11-23-2004, 02:03 PM
I can assure you that it CANNOT be done and nor should you. Esp if she's your prospective partner. Either accept her as she is not ( and not be hoping those 10-15lbs disapear with exercise ) or find someone else and move on.
11-23-2004, 02:16 PM
Ask your coach for his/her opinion. If he/she agrees ask him/her to do it.
11-23-2004, 02:49 PM
If weight is your only issue with her, I suggest to partner up and start working out together etc. and trying to influence her that way. Definitely DO NOT tell her directly that this is an issue - I am still hurt by a comment that a top level coach made on the first lesson to loose 5 pounds - and that was about 4 years ago (and I'm not the particularly sensitive kind).

Also consider though whether you'd be willing to dance with her at her current weight - the extra may not come off, and if she has certain medical conditions she may not be able to lose the weight at all.
11-23-2004, 03:41 PM
Do not tell her you won't dance with her unless she loses the weight. It will backfire, and she will think evilly and bitterly of you forever, and will tell everyone what a jerk you are for telling her to lose weight. If she's got a weight issue chances are extremely high that she's already well-aware of it and is possibly obsessing about it daily. You getting on her case will only make it worse.

If you two are low-level competitors, then the extra dancing you would do to practice and to get in cardio-vascular shape for competitions will probably jumpstart her into losing some of the weight. And at your level, extra pounds don't really matter enough to make her miserable right away anyway.

If she's a high-level competitor, then she DEFINITELY already knows that weight is an issue and is probably hoping someone will see past her *mere* 10 or 15 pounds and see that she's a good dancer and a good partner and a good person and if given the chance will lose the weight with the kind of exercise that a high-level dance partnership generates.

And if some coach tells her in a session that she's fat and has to drop some pounds, don't be all "I agree" or "I told you so" or "I've been wanting to tell you this for weeks." Rather, be all supportive and say "hey, we've got to be fit enough to dance three rounds anyway, how about we start running together" or something encouraging like that.
11-23-2004, 04:44 PM
Be supportive. If she admits to you that she wants/needs to lose the weight, ask her how you can help her (please, show your sincerity!).
Make her feel you are on her side, you will be a team, after all if you will be dancing together.
Losing the weight is a lot easier than losing your low self esteem.
11-23-2004, 06:34 PM
Three legs
Thank you guys, I need more suggestions to select a one might more proper for me to her.
11-23-2004, 08:09 PM
Just tell her " Hey, you look fat. All the other girls are skinnier than you. Can you lose a few lbs? I bet you'd curve really sexy. Tell you what, I'll diet with you. Ok, Fatty? "

You might also try "Is that thunder, or your thighs? It's so loud in here, I can't dance."

I'm going at this with a wink. I've lost weight, recently, with my partner. I feel good, now, and we both look better. She looks really sexy - really, really good without that extra around the waist. And me ? Well...Wink.

Direct but playful and funny was the right thing for me.