Before I make my point. DAMN there has been a lot of turn over here. Where did everyone go? geez.

Anywho. on to the point

THE POINT:

I seem to very easily acquire suitors who are not easily discouraged. And they're generally the sweet mildly awkward types who seem like they would be really crushed if I said to them "No. I don't want you to date you. ever." Most of these guys I would like to maintain an amicable aquaintance with, so I don't want to piss them off or unnecessarily wound them.

But they aren't very good at taking hints. They keep calling. Sometimes they harbor the hope for years (I am serious, they disappear for half a year then it's hey, let's go out!). I don't know what to do. I've got the "busy and unavailable" routine down to a tee (because I am generally busy and unavailable), but that just seems like a stop gap measure. I want something I only have to do once. Maybe I just have to say "No. I don't want to date you." Harsh, and hard to say, but it's the truth. I'm good at being blunt and forthright. But then there's the awful "why?", what if I get asked that, what THEN? "I'm not attracted to you." "You're too old for me." "I don't want you." None of these answers seem productive, only harmful.

And again, I would like to maintain friendship. It's not that these guys are bad guys. I like these guys. They're my friends. Or is that where I am going wrong? Can I not maintain friendship? Because men are such optimists, they'll wait around in hopes I change my mind... ah, it's sounding all like "when harry met sally": men and women can't be friends.

Anyway, I'd like to hear some feedback. There can't be a right answer, only a more informed one.

buenos noches
Shouty

Hola!
La noche.... it is female :-)

I know what you want to say.
You want to be friendly, you want to have a nomal friendship between two human beings, man and woman.
It is a shrewd affair, you think, you show a "neutral" behaviour, but the mal human being interprets it in an other way than you want to.
It maybe- a man tries to be your friend, not your partner, but there might be still a ray of hope... that one time your opinion changes...

Perhaps you are very atttractive... so that the mens brain cells are deactivated..;-)
Be happy about this and take this circumstance as a compliment ;-)

Anatomy from Germany

Best mood killer, start talking to them like they were your best girlfriend in the world....

- Start asking him what he thinks about the other guys around the studio, and whether or not they are a catch.
- Talk about who he should hook up with.
- Describe the last bra or jeans shopping trip, and how hard it is to find anything.
- Go on a diatribe about menstration. My personal fav is my lament on how women are in diapers for most of their life. There is just that brief 10 yr gap during elementary school and if you are lucky some time between menapause and needing depends.

If that doesn't send them running I don't know what will.

Ditz - - you are too funny - - but how true!

This is just too easy, but here it is. Act like you're interested - VERY VERY INTERESTED. Call him several times a day and keep asking the same questions you just asked 10 minutes ago. He'll be having a sit down with you to tell you "gently" that you two should just be friends. The more you say you are unavailable, the more you are giving him a challenge to pursue. Strange how this works, but it does!

Ha ha. Morons.

Just tell them you're not interested. Don't give them hope. Crush them. They'll thank you for it. Really.

quote:

Originally posted by Joe:
Ha ha. Morons.

Just tell them you're not interested. Don't give them hope. Crush them. They'll thank you for it. Really.

Once in a Blue Moon, Joe, like grunions?

quote:

This is just too easy, but here it is. Act like you're interested - VERY VERY INTERESTED. Call him several times a day and keep asking the same questions you just asked 10 minutes ago. He'll be having a sit down with you to tell you "gently" that you two should just be friends. The more you say you are unavailable, the more you are giving him a challenge to pursue. Strange how this works, but it does!

This is so funny but so true...the more you want a guy, the less he wants you. Guys like challenge - pursuing something hard to get. Someting too easy or handy to get doesn't pique their interest.

This even happened to a few of my attrative friends...guys showed interest to date them and those guys call and email everyday so the girl get flattered and showed her interest too soon then after a while, the guy cooled down, email or call once a month.

You saying "busy or unavailable" just make them want to you more...so call them a few times a day nag at them many times like an nagging old lady and I guarantee all guys will back off - guys hate clingy dates/girlfriends. They very much like to maintain their space and freedom. Try bother them their day out with their buddies, having them stop watch football, they would really hate that.

quote:

call them a few times a day nag at them many times like an nagging old lady and I guarantee all guys will back off - guys hate clingy dates/girlfriends. They very much like to maintain their space and freedom. Try bother them their day out with their buddies, having them stop watch football, they would really hate that.

Speaking as a man, that is no guarantee at all. I've a girlfriend I see a couple of times a week, and that's good enough for me. (I enjoy my freedom.)

But I've got male work colleagues who are the solitary type, and hardly socialise. I never see them in clubs or pubs. They don't have other male friends and few interests other than computers (unfortunately, I've listened to them), but they sure would like a girlfriend. (Again, I've listend to them.) And I'm positive that if a girl were to frequently call, they'd really like it. So beware.

I would like to maintain friendship. It's not that these guys are bad guys. I like these guys. They're my friends. Or is that where I am going wrong? Can I not maintain friendship? Because men are such optimists, they'll wait around in hopes I change my mind... ah, it's sounding all like "when harry met sally": men and women can't be friends.
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