When I am dancing rhythm with my Pro-Am instructor I feel VERY attracted to him. I did not feel this way about my old teacher, so I know it is not just the dance. Our routines are very sensual. It makes me nervous and sometimes unable to concentrate. We are both married. Do others feel this way ever?
Also, if you are wondering if it is because I am new to ballroom, I actually compete in silver now. I don't know how to update my profile from a couple of years ago. So, it is not beginners infatuation!
Location: New York
Hi cha cha girl!
About changing your profile - I couldn't figure out where to go on this site to modify mine but I finally found a way to do it. If you click on your own name on the left of your post, you will see a menu with the option "View .. Public Profile. You can then click on the right of the screen where it says "View/Edit Complete Profile".
About the crush on your teacher - I know what you mean because I have had huge crushes on two of my teachers! One of them didn't know how I felt and the other flirted with me and asked me out for a drink. But I said no. Dancing can be very sexy and it can lead to a wonderful relationship. But I find that dancing can also be like alcohol and can make us feel and do things we wouldn't otherwise feel and do! I much prefer to enjoy the intoxicating fun of flirting on the dance floor rather than suffering the consequences of letting things go further!
Hi Cha Cha Girl:
What you are feeling is NOT UNUSUAL AT ALL. Many of us have been there, believe me. You have a 'connection' with your teacher/partner and that has got to be good.
HOWEVER....don't forget that at the end of the day your teacher is there because you PAY him to be there. He may be a charming, good-looking guy, as many teachers are; and its part of his arsenal of tools that he uses in his business. I'm not saying he's not sincere in his charm: its just dangerous to buy totally into the idea that its 'just' for you.
Just ask yourself if he attempts to spend time with you when you are not having lessons (when he's not working).
It's not easy to do, but try to sublimate your feelings....pour it all into your dancing and, if you get 'charged up', let it loose on your husband (ain't that what he's there for?!?!).
Location: North America
Hi cha cha girl,
As LilyVoulaitAllerDanser, you can click on your name on the left and you will see some selections - choose "View cha cha girl's Public Profile" and you will then be able to "edit" your profile.
Another way is to click on the "GO" button on the top left of the forum area and you will see a selection "My Dance Space (Personal Admin Area)" and you will be able to edit there as well.
This is a fun topic. In fact, we'll put a new POLL: Have you had (or do you have) a Crush on Dance Teacher? to see if others have also had crushes on their teachers!
I am glad to hear I am not alone! I know that if I met my teacher in a social setting, we would not have much in common, but the dancing, and it would not go anywhere. He is totally professional, appropriate, etc.. I know I have made him nervous a couple of times, though.
Yes, the husband definitely reaps the benefits! How lucky for us to have such a fun hobby!!!!It makes all the money it costs him worth it!
Another dilemma: I have danced with one teacher for a little over two years. His strength is in smooth, he was a US champion. However, until this "awakening" (in more than one way!) with the teacher I have a crush on, I didn't realize what I was missing in the rhythm. This teacher is a latin & rhythm guy and is no where near the smooth dancer. I can not afford to take two teachers to a comp. What to do? Also, my original teacher is well known and well respected. How much do you all think politics play a role?
You know some study was done somewhere where men/women who didn't know each other were put into a room together and were asked to rate how well they liked each other. One setting was just sitting/talking the other situation had them standing/talking but tossing a ball to each other as they did so. The people who were in the ball/activity situation said they felt more of a "connection" than the ones just sitting talking. So there is scientific proof somewhere that you are bound to feel something while doing an activity together, whether you initially even like the person or not.
Regarding crush on the teacher, I know of several teachers/students who ended up falling in love and marrying each other, some with happy results .....But get a grip, because this is not the case for the majority. It usually occurs at very high levels of dance where these folks basically live for their dancing (on both sides - the pro and the am). As a veteran of both pro-am and amateur competition, I have to say that the close body proximity and "initimacy" required to work together toward a common goal does foster those kinds of feelings (often in both partners, pro or not). This happens a lot even in offices and other close/project-type business situations such as the movie business between real-life leading men and their ladies...I personally have had numerous teachers "hit" on me, hinting or outright telling me that they "liked me a lot", find me extremely attractive, want to see more of me, really like the way I move, etc. I even had a gay one hinting that he was bisexual. Sometimes I feel it is so ingrained in this business, they don't even realize when they are doing this. As a single woman determined not to be "used" for a lesson fee, and admittedly looking for a serious relationship with someone who shares common interests with me (after several failed attempts with non dancers who either resented the time or the money I spend on my dancing) - I have in the past year or so decided to push the envelope where the professionals are concerned, since money (and often lots of it) is being transferred from you to them. I have called the bluff on two different individuals. Now mind you, both of these gentlemen had been pursing me for months and let me know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were "interested". When I suddenly stopped being elusive and said, well now, I've reconsidered, how about it? Guess what? Tons of excuses why we should keep it just business. Oh, they still had all these feelings for me, but the time was not right, etc. etc. etc., they were having money problems or were too intent on travelling every week to big comps across the country, etc. etc. etc. Both turned out to be "phantom relationships" - in effect only for the time it took to get a lesson and the time it took to secure the next one or the next big comp etc. I have lived and I have learned to separate fantasy from reality. I now use the same business savvy that I use at my job to judge whether these folks are being straight with me (or even with themselves). The proof is in the pudding, as someone stated above. Is all of their time with you in either group situations or paid lessons? Ask yourself, if not for the dancing, would you even have anything to talk about with this person or even anything in common? Remind yourself why you fell in love with your husband. Are things in YOUR marriage all that they could be? Does your teacher have certain qualities that you wish hubby had? Don't take offense at this, but you may also be vulnerable to these feelings because maybe your marriage is not all that you would like it to be. Maybe your teachers marriage is not all that it could be. Again, there are many reasons to feel attraction for another person, but try to throw a glass of cold water on yourself and separate your feelings from your thoughts. You may find that one is 180 degrees from the other.....good luck and may you find your balance in this.
Bombshell, you are right. Truly, as soon as we walk off the floor there is nothing in common, and I do not feel there is too much to talk about. He is shy and from a different world. It is all in the dancing. He is SO sexy when he dances and it is SO fun. I have been married almost 20 years and while I do have a good relationship with my husband and would never put that at risk, it is the drama, passion, and sensuality that comes about when dancing with him that is so fun. If a boundry was crossed, I know it would not be fun anymore. Something definitely transpires between us though when we dance. Several teachers and other students in the studio have noticed and mentioned to me how good we look dancing together. It is like an addictive drug.
Cha cha girl, sounds like you know what is going on in your own head - and I commend you for that. It DOES sound though like a case of extreme "dance chemistry". Which in itself is not a bad thing at all and could very well be the "x" factor that will win you prizes, as long as you also have sound technique to back it up. Regarding your smooth champion teacher, best to let him know (if he doesn't know already) that you are taking lessons with someone else as well. Usually folks like that are tapped in to what's happening on the scene, and often judge a lot of comps as well. So you don't want to have any hurt feelings/ego issues hanging in the air...In other words, don't burn any bridges....
I'm new to this forum, but I thought this would be an appropriate first post for me. We've all been there -- having a crush on a dance teacher -- and I believe you all have hit the nail on the head when it comes to figuring out why this happens, so I commend you for that But I just want to say that as silly, fleeting, and unprofessional as dating a dance teacher may seem, some people (myself included) have found happiness in their lesson partner.
In my case, he wasn't my private lesson teacher, but one of the other staff in the studio; we started out as friends before discovering a deep connection (even off the dance floor) and are still crazy about each other after two years!
Of course, those who feel they're falling for the guy they follow should still throw caution to the wind; while me and my guy may have each other, our relationship DID cause a bit of a scandal in the studio, which is (needless to say) quite hurtful. There are so many politics involved in the dance world, so be careful!
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